It’s really grating to relive the most infuriating cinematic experiences of the year. So I’ve decided that my warnings against these deplorable acts of cinema will be five words or less.

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1. The Canyons

Exploitative, cannibalistic non-cinema.

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2. Identity Thief

Painfully unfunny.

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3. After Earth 

Multi-million dollar home movie.

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4. Jobs

Biopic by Wikipedia.

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5. Kick Ass 2

Undoes the original’s brilliance

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6. Olympus Has Fallen

Filibuster action nonsense.

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7. The Sweeney

Plagiarism patchwork.

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8. Jack the Giant Slayer

Caught between camp and crap.

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9. Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

Steam(ing pile of garbage) punk

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10. Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters

Mythological Harry Potter pretender.

Blake Howard - follow Blake on Twitter here: @blakeisbatman and listen to legacy audio reviews on That Movie Show 2UE here or on top-rating film podcast Pod Save Our Screen, available now on iTunes.

Blake Howard is a writer, a podcaster, the editor-in-chief & co-founder of Australian film blog Graffiti With Punctuation. Beginning his criticism APPRENTICESHIP as co-host of That Movie Show 2UE, Blake is now a member of the prestigious Online Film Critic Society, sways the Tomato Meter with Rotten Tomatoes approved reviews. See his articulated words and shrieks (mostly) here at Graffitiwithpunctuation.com and with DarkHorizons.com & 2SER Sydney weekly on Gaggle of Geeks.