Christmas (Xmas if you’re not a religious zealot) is right around the corner. Now we have seen lists these past few days come and go like a regular john at the internet brothel, so why not one more, only you’d be remiss or must really hate Xmas or yourself if you threw these on. These films are more likely to spread dissent than holiday cheer, but here they are! Requiem For A Dream:
Let’s face it, everyone in Requiem For A Dream has been NAUGHTY this year, Santa will be bringing them coal, extreme personal, physical and socio-economic disaster and relationship breakdowns. Unless you want that smack in Santa’s sack I’d probably steer clear of this film come Xmas day. Better yet burn any copies you have to be safe.
True fact, Tommy Wisseau was once one of Santa’s elves, until a smelting incident left him horribly disfigured. Vowng revenge against ‘good’ in general, he somehow used his elven mind tricks and released the worst film of all time. For extra yuletide merriment, skip to the chapters where his saggy corpse bangs his co-star so very very sweetly, Merry Xmas!
What, a 566 minute documentary about Holocaust survivors isn’t something you’d like to watch on Xmas day? The kids would rather watch cartoons instead? You’re all horrible people.
Escape From Tomorrow:
Nothing says jaded capitalist consumerism like a film that rips at Disney’s jugular. Escape From Tomorrow is a pleasant film though, emphasizing family values, good clean fun and slutty versions of Disney mascots driving a father insane.
Party monster / Jerusalemski sindrom / Sex and Breakfast
Home Alone is one of those classic, wonderful, nostalgia-filled films that will live in the hearts and minds of Generation Y everywhere. BORING! Time to ruin that goodwill with any of these pieces of crap starring a much older Macculey Culken or however you pronounce the Shia Le’Beouf try-hard’s name. Watch him eat pizza for four minutes straight here.
Kwenton Bellette - follow Kwenton on Twitter here: @Kwenton