Ed note: Maria is at her potty-mouthed best. Feel the hate flow through her. Enjoy
Exodus: Gods And Kings
Christian Pale and Joel Egypton couldn’t save this epic fail from the ten plagues of bad historical filmmaking: first comes the river of white washing, followed by the tweets of Rupert Murdoch, and concluding with overabundance of guyliner.
Into The Storm
A movie that was as bad as you thought it was going to be.
Paranormal Activity: The Mexican Ones
After three films centered on white families, producers tried to switch it up with the most ridiculous and borderline racist entry in the series. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Only the Hollywood Lords know exactly how many of Michael Bay’s cars Megan Fox had to wash in a bikini to get back in the director’s good graces. Whatever the number, the end result was not worth it.
Racist as shit.
The Hobbit: Battle Of Five Armies
Look, it’s just bad. There’s no other way to describe two and a half hours of nonsensical fighting, inconsistent CGI and monologuing in a shiny cave. As disappointing and frustrating as it was, five out of six films still ain’t bad, ay Peter Jackson?
Except, well, the story was told so, uh, you know, I guess the title AND WHOLE ENTIRE FILM is totally redundant so there you go.
Transformers: Age Of The Rise Of Whatever The Fuck
The redest, hottest and messiest of Michael Bay’s seminal Red Hot Mess franchise.
David Ayer’s version of Suicide Squad is going to be interesting because if one thing’s clear from the very overrated and testosterone-laden Fury it’s that he does not know what to do with female characters. See also: End Of Watch.
Maria Lewis - follow Maria on Twitter here: @moviemazzor on top-rating film podcast Pod Save Our Screen, available now on iTunes.
Sydney, Australia. Getting her start as a police reporter, her writing on pop culture has appeared in publications such as the New York Post, Guardian, Penthouse, The Daily Mail, Empire Magazine, Gizmodo, Huffington Post, The Daily and Sunday Telegraph, i09, Junkee and many more. Previously seen as a presenter on SBS Viceland’s nightly news program The Feed and as the host of Cleverfan on ABC, she has been a journalist for over 15 years.
Her best-selling debut novel Who's Afraid? was published in 2016, followed by its sequel Who’s Afraid Too? in 2017, which was nominated for Best Horror Novel at the Aurealis Awards in 2018. Who’s Afraid? is being developed for television by the Emmy and BAFTA award-winning Hoodlum Entertainment. Her Young Adult debut, It Came From The Deep, was released globally on October 31, Halloween, 2017 and is a twist on The Little Mermaid meets Creature From The Black Lagoon.
Her fourth book, The Witch Who Courted Death, was released on Halloween, 2018 and nominated for Best Fantasy Novel at the Aurealis Awards in 2019. Her fifth novel set within the share supernatural universe is due for release in October, 2019.